The Definition of Help

In the cubicle jungle, the word "help" is one of the most ill-defined, often misunderstood four-letter word. And this is contrary to the word "fuck," which is probably the greatest multiple-use-everybody-understands four-letter word in any environment imaginable.

So, back to the word help, Dictionary.com says:

–verb (used with object)
1.
to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need; contribute strength or means to; render assistance to; cooperate effectively with; aid; assist: He planned to help me with my work. Let me help you with those packages.

Now, in the context of "help" in the cubicle jungle, we have to stick to the parts where help means render assistance to; cooperate effectively with; assist. The operative word we're looking at is "assist" and this says that: HELPING DOES NOT MEAN YOU WILL DO THAT PERSON'S JOB.

Ok, I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's a story.

(Names, places, events, and other stuff have been "vagued." However, feel free to assume that this is someone you know. We have enough reason to believe this shit happens everywhere.)

Big Boss person (BBP) asks a Small Employee person (SEP) for "help" in a "project." SEP then agrees to help, thinking the work will involve assisting and consulting, and basically just helping, not doing.

To spare you from the M. Night plot twist, we are going to summarize with, BBP already assumed that SEP will helm the project and do the work.

And, end of story.

Pop quiz, what the fuck was wrong with that story?

How can a BBP not understand the meaning of the word help? Does the word have a different Executive meaning?

Maybe it does. And this means you have to protect yourself from the word HELP at all times. Always remember, when a big boss person asks you for help, do not mention or even hint on saying yes. Go generic. Go vague. Remember BBP is being vague with the question anyway. Say something like:

Let me get back to you on that.